Things I want my kids to know.

Dates that I started writing this letter 4-24-21 & 6-28-21

There is so much that I want my kids to know.  It’s been many years of preaching and teaching my children our values and morals through actions and words but I would like to put all that I can remember down on paper.  You never know when your time is done and you are off to heaven and I always want my children to know what I stand for and what we did during their upbringing.  Parenting is one of the hardest jobs a person will have and it is a constant job, but the most rewarding and BEST job ever:)

You are never OFF as a parent.  Your children are watching you 24/7 they might not realize and you might not even realize that you are always on stage with your children.  They are little sponges and watch and see everything you are doing.  They are so smart starting at a very young age.  It all starts in the tummy...your baby knows if you are uptight, stressed, calm, happy, drunk and they are affected by every choice you make.  Be conscious of that from the beginning of your child's life.

Parenting is hands down my greatest joy and I feel so blessed to have been able to be with my children so much while they were little.  I was pretty much a stay at home mom, but worked part time at AC’s when your father was home, or if I worked during the day your grandparents would watch you a few days a week.  Dad and I always made the sacrifice to choose our family unit and our time together as our number one priority over any job. Our first question in any decision we had to make is will it be good for our children and our family.  It was not always easy...but it seems like things always work out:)  A lot of prayers over the years. 

Faith has always been a big part of who I am because I feel without faith I would not be the person or mother that I am.  God has been good to me.  I thank GOD every day for the gifts and blessings in my life.  I feel it is so important to thank God everyday...three times….Thank you God, Thank you God, Thank you God….that has been my thing!!  After every prayer in my head that is what I say. 

Every child is very different and sometimes as a parent you have to adjust to each child, but your values and morals must stay the same.  

It’s important as a parent to stay happy and healthy for your kids.  Try to keep a positive attitude and try to look at the good positive things in life and share with your kids.  Even the little things...when we were driving anywhere when you were little I would say “WOW look how beautiful the terrain is..the cactus? The flowers?  The sky?  Always look at the beauty even when things might not be great, there is always beauty around you and that is what you need to focus on.  And when you point out the beauty then they can see the beauty and start appreciating the little things in life….like my favorite tree going up to Canyon lake...that I always tell Dad that I love every time we pass it.  God’s beauty never gets old….that is how I look at my family...the beauty of all of you never gets old and I see so much beauty and love when looking at my children and my husband.  GOD’s creation is a miracle and don’t go a day without trying to appreciate that.  

Every moment is a teaching moment for a child.  When you are at the store and someone does something good...point it out to your child and let them recognize and see, that is important and what it looks like to be good.  Point out when someone does something bad or inappropriate so they learn how not to act.  These moments do not stop once a child grows up...try to continue even when your children are older.  

Talk to your children everyday and share with them.

Talk to your children about the importance of Kindness and respect of others- I always tried to praise my children when they did something nice. Especially to their siblings….when ever I would see Conor do something nice to Riley or Elle, I would always praise him.  I did that with all of you. Example “Conor helping Riley put on his shoes...I would say you are the best big brother and I am so proud of you for helping...it makes mommy heart happy.”  Conor would light up!!  The same thing with Riley and Elle they loved to help and be good people.  

I would constantly talk with my kids about situations….life, marriage, work ethnic, balance, Faith..nothing was off limits...

Obie and I were very conscious that if we went to a party with friends/family that we never drank too much around our children and always stayed in control.  

We also wanted to give our kids stability that Obie and I were always in a stable relationship when our kids were little.  The last thing a child needs is to worry about is Mom and Dad's relationship.  We had our problems but tried to keep our children out of all of it.  

Adult problems should not involve children. We tried to keep ours from you...hope we did.  

We talked to our kids about priorities, family, Faith, school, sports, and Character.  We would talk to them about how important good character is!  Your Character is everything.  Lead by example in life. 

We taught you not to give up when things get hard….life is hard... DEAL with it...figure it out!!!

People are difficult….Figure it out...deal with it!!  Love them through it.  

Stand up for what is right and what you believe in.

Let your kids...starting at an early age feel like they are independent...I remember I would take my kids to the park when they were maybe 2 or 3  and I would want to hover over them...but knew that would not be good for them….I would let them think they were off by them self doing there thing...but I would be close enough to make sure they were safe.  When they got older I would let them roam the neighborhood. “Free” kids need to figure out things on their own, they need to know how to think on their own, and be independent.  You set up boundaries but then trust them until they break the trust. 

When my kids were little I would play “Daily Hug”  and I would chase them around the house to get my daily hug!!!  I loved that and so did they!!  It’s so important to hug and love your kids every day.  Kids need physical touch of Love.

I never have felt my kids lacked love in their life!!  Kids need LOVE all around them...LOVE from parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends.  If it is healthy love it is GOOD love and make sure to open up your children to lots of  love.  It’s important for them to know they have a community of people that love them unconditionally and don’t keep them from that. Make it a priority for your children to see grandparents, aunt, uncles, friends.  VERY IMPORTANT:)  

PRAY PRAY PRAY...GOD hears your Prayers I promise!!!  When life gets difficult PRAY, when your marriage gets hard PRAY, when your job gets hard PRAY, when you need something in your life PRAY, when you need to talk to someone talk to GOD he will listen and he will understand and remember everything is in GOD’S time!!  BE STILL and know GOD is there listening and understanding.  

Tough times never last but tough people do.  Life is like a wave just let it roll and know you will have your really high moments and your really low moments...but what's great is that when you are in your low moments it DEFINITELY will always come back up. I promise!!! 

O.K. now on to education-well you can see in my writings I am not much of a scholar, I was not well educated and really struggled in school.  My parents placed me in kindergarten at 4 years old and I believe that was a detriment to my learning abilities.  I was always trying to catch up to the other students, most were a year or even two years older.  Reading and writing was my biggest challenge.  It was very embarrassing and very challenging getting through school.  I was a special Ed student and no one thought I would make it through college.  Well, I barely made it, but I made it out with a college degree.  After having the struggles that I did with school I promised myself my children would never struggle like I did….so the moment Conor popped out I was reading to him all the time.  That continued with all my children and starting at three years old I ordered the hooked on Phonics program and all my children could read well at an early age.  Reading is SO IMPORTANT!!!  I can not express that enough work with your children every day and make sure they really can read and comprehend well.  It does not always click right away for children but it will and it will pay off with you working with your children.  One area I did not work with my children as much is the math department.  But I would highly recommend getting extra tutoring in this area around the 6-8th grade to have a strong foundation for high school.

Starting school- the best situation is being the older of the class-trust me there is not a disadvantage being older but there can be many disadvantages of being the younger.  Your child might be one of the smartest 4 or 5 year olds and the most mature at 4 or 5 but there will be a big difference when they are 12,13,14 when they’re maturity levels are behind….girls and boys.  Holding the boys back was one of the best decisions of our life, we just kicked ourselves for not holding back Elle.  Elle did not even realize it but when she hit high school she was almost a year younger than a lot of the girls physically and mentally and that can be very challenging.  So the bottom line is if you can plan your pregnancies and have babies in October-January that would be best.  Or send them to pre-schools an extra year.

  

Well my children….these are my thoughts for now and I will have many more going forward but just know YOU ARE LOVED and YOUR Mama is one proud Mama.  LOVE YOU BUNCHES and have a blessed day. Mom  

Jenni O’Brien 2021